2004-02-16 - 10:15 a.m.

So...anybody got a live chicken I can borrow? Virginal would be preferable, but I'll make do...

I hereby call down the wrath of all which is Good and Proper in the Sports World to rain pestulance, famine, and various nagging hamstring injuries upon the plague infested pile of vermin which is the New York Yankees.

For those just joining in...Hi, I'm Gorm, I'll be your bitter Red Sox fan this morning, take a seat, I'll bring along your menus shortly, in the meantime, can I start you off with a fine selection from our whine list? I highly recommend the "$170 million a YEAR in payroll? Why not just engrave the frickin trophy with a big NY and be done with it, saving all the rest of the sportswriters the agony of watching?"

Yeah, I know, Boston's payroll tops $100 million nicely...but sheesh...that's nuts.

On the plus side, it will make things that much sweeter and juicier when Alex "I won't let the Red Sox cut $1 million a year from my contract because I need value, but I will let the Yankees cut $5 million from it" Rodriguez suffers an immense dropoff in skills.

I'm projecting a .219 batting average, perhaps 5 home runs, and three, count em three trips to the Disabled List for the boy.

Or one good fastball to the head...that would work too.

Pitchers and catchers report this week sometime...I can hardly wait.

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