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2003-07-23 - 11:20 a.m.

Hmm...got this interesting news flash from the future this morning...

Rotters News Service - Caer Mear, Atlantia: Chaos ruled the day today when it was discovered that Sir Edward the Goatkiller, who had just apparently emerged victorious in the Fall Crown Tournament, was wearing a surcoat handstitched at 7 stiches per inch rather than the documented 8. This was discovered during the mandatory post-list Laurel Review of all garb and material used on the field.

The resulting disqualification from the list, one year banishment from the Realm, and loss of all honors was required by Atlantian Law, which had recently been changed to meet "A need for greater authenticity on the field", according to Kingdom Seneschal Horatio Barnsweeper

"See, back in AS 38, we started to enforce requirements that armor had to appear period in appearance. Well, that proved to be too judgemental, so we put the rule in place just last year to require that everything on the field become period, and we've had great success with it".

Under ordinary circumstances, the Crown would pass to the other combatant in the Finals. However, that won't work this time, as Sir Edward was the only combatant.

"Yeah, it's true there is only one fighter left..well...no fighters now, I guess, since he's banished" said Mistress Arglebargle, "But really, it's so much easier to enjoy watching the tournament when I know that noone is wearing or using anything that isn't perfectly period. For a while, it was acceptable to just try and cover the horrible items, but when the fabric got ripped, we were exposed to the unsighly gleam of black plastic...at least, I think it was black plastic...it might have been boiled leather, but how am I supposed to know? Think of the Poor Apprentices!!"

Plans are being made to replace the Coronation ceremony, originally scheduled for four months from now, with a ritual prayer to the Gods of Authenticity. Attendance is expected to be practically nonexistent.

--- 40 ---

First they came for the Elves, and I said nothing, because those Tolkeinesque Creatures were just fantasies anyhow.

When they came for the Tuchux, I said nothing, because those thugs didn't understand Chivalry.

When they came for those wearing Freon can helms, I said nothing, because really, they just looked bad, and besides, they weren't safe.

When they came for the Combat Archers, I said nothing, because those peasants didn't care about fighting anyhow.

When they came for the folks who wore plastic armor, I said nothing, because that wasn't real armor, they were trying to game the rules.

Then I tried to throw a Tournament, and there was noone there to cheer.

Just my 2 cents, worth nothing really.

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